in the more recent years of my life i have one week that stands out as the spiritual high point. the weird thing is that this happens to alot of people. most of the time it is camp, or a conference like "when God dreams" that the stirring put on(i didn't go, sadly. i had work) and thus they try as hard as they can to get back to that place. people come to alliance redwoods because they met christ there. don't get me wrong, the idea of a week away from your life to focus on God is a good idea. and the return business is good for me since i work there. but for me i have a dilema. see my spiritual high week was not camp. it was not some mega conference with some huge band leading worhsip and some critically aclaimed author as the key note speaker. it was not organized in any way. my week was chosen as that week because giving us easter break as a week long would make summer and spring breaks too close. the recent highpoint in my life was easter break.
God spoke to me. God speaks to us in lots of different ways. some times its through nature, or people or a song. sometimes he gives us certain feelings of compassion or restlessness. or rest. and sometimes its more clear. there are words invloved. you know how you can think the idea of a sentence, then think the words out in your head, then speak it? well for me God speaks the loudest in that middle stage.
any time he does this i feel like yelling it to the world. when he does this for me every night for a whole week, i yell it to the world multiple times.
over that week i found myself unable to sleep. i would hit the bed at midnight ( like i usually do) and not fall asleep. one o'clock would roll around and i would wonder why i was still awake. every night it seemed like God was sitting there waiting for me to figure it out. and so i would pray. i would ask God "what are you trying to show me."
it was one sentence that had so much behind it.lets skip the whole me complaining part, and the part where i tell you things you already know. i know you know, and simply by saying i'm listening i can feel the same comfort in your strength ( i just used the tylenol motto for God... )just what is up?
and he would answer.
he would put thoughts in my mind that got me going and i would respond in thought. when i got close to what he was telling me i would begin to smile and cry and laugh out loud. and i would begin to doubt. i would be on the verge of coming too some realization and think i understood and then i would remember "lean not on your own understanding" and i would freak out. and i wuld verbally ask Him to tell me what i needed to hear. to tell me i was right if i was right and that i was wrong if i was wrong. i didn't mind if it was rebuke or encouragement. i knew i needed to hear it from His mouth.
and for the entire week of late night prayer conversations he always told me " yes, thats what i am saying."
he would set the thought in my mind and let me wrestle with it. when i got scared of what i was thinking about he would encourage me. when i got close he would tell me to ask him what i was thinking. and when i asked he would respond. then i would smile realy big, begin to laugh in sheer joy, or cry in sheer thankfulness. i would thank him. he would tell me " Andrew, I love you. of course i'll tell you." and then repeat the thought he had set in motion back to me. it was not always in the same words, but it was always loud and clear. He reminded me one night it would not always be this clear, but also said i should search for it to be this clear. to always strive for more. but to notice the little hints. to respond to the little hints.
it came to a point where. by friday, i realized i wanted to get to bed. not that bed is the only place i hear God, or that he only exists right above my face when i am about to be asleep, but that it was a time when no one would barge in. where i could be alone with Him. so friday night i thought i wanted to spend more time talking. i noticed i was always asleep by three thirty in the morning, and i wanted more. so i went to bed earlier. and i stayed up until 445 that night. just talking with my creator. i woke up the next morning at the crack of noon and had breakfast.
see i am faced with this dilemma. because my place where i meet God has always been " tghe creek at camp" or "during Devotional time at summer camp." now its my bed. but i do not always meet God in bed. sometimes i go to sleep when i get in bed. or i can't sleep so i put in a movie. my dilemma is that i am finally at a place where direct conversation with God is easy. but now i forget. spring break was a spiritual high for me, and today i realized that i can get back there right now. i'm going to bed at midnight tonight. no later, maybe earlier. and i probably won't be up until noon the next day, cause i plan on talking to God tonight. (that is not to say i can't earlier. like right now. or like five minutes ago.) but i have finally found my quiet time with God. and when it's done, i can just fall asleep.
i am now at a point where i more fully grasp how simple it is for me to hear him.
and i am amazed by it. i have been told my whole life that i need to spend time with God, but now for some reason it makes more sense.
so here is something he has been showing me:
God is transcendent and immanent. transcendence means He is way up there watching over us. immanence means He is right here. if i focus on the transcendence i lose sight of the fact he is right here with me. i become a deist. if i focus only on the Immanence i lose track of His power. of his provision. of his omniscience, omnipotence, of his omnipresence.
instead if i focus on both, i find out more of who he is. if i focus on God's Immanence where he is right here, but i also remember his transcendance, where he is infinitely far away, any thing that wants to get to me has to go through an infinite amount of God to get to me. the only way to do that is if he lets it though to strengthen me.
if i focus on how far he is and how powerful he is, i have to look deep into him. he is right here. i open my eys and look he touches my pupil. he's CLOSE. get it? okay. so to focus on how high and "above it all" he is i have to look through all of that God-ness. its really pretty awe-inspiring. and comforting.
go in peace to love and serve the lord
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