My Psalm

God, help.
I feel extremely unintelligent right now.
Extremely idiotic.

Those around me look and see that life is going well.
They say “Andrew has it together." and "I love Andrew”
I know they say it. They say it to me a lot. So why don’t I feel it?

A feeling of loneliness seems as though it will drown my hope.

Why do I feel as though none of them love me?
I think I am the one who drifts randomly between groups of friends and never grows close to any of them. and seems to never grow up at all.

But you love me.
You affection towards me IS like an sloppy wet kiss.
Not two teenagers making out in the halls when they sold be in class, but like a couple, Married for twenty years, who still has that spark, and who still continues to see the twinkle in each others eyes. They embrace and hold each other they do not notice the others around watching them. They know people are there, watching, but they ignore it, because the love is so Great it covers over all feelings of embarrassment.

I lie here in your arms.
They lift me.
They hold me to your face so you can whisper in my ear.
Your ever-strong, immensely gentle voice tells me “You Are Loved.”
Then “I love you. That is why I created you. To be loved by me. And to love me. And to show others how to love me. And to show the world what it looks like to cry and laugh with Joy in MY presence. To ramble on in your blog while you smile and stare at your ceiling like an idiot,because you want to look up at me.”

And again “you are loved”





and now i post things that seem rather personal because you called me to be an example.

I sit here inside on a cloudy day and bask in the sunshine of your love.

Father, remind me of your love. remind me that i am Yours. that you created me and that your fingerprints are all over me.
Jesus, let me continue to remember that you laid down your life for me to show me your love.
Holy spirit, be here to guide me and to keep me company as i journey towards you. let me ever be reminded that you are here to help me in every way possible, be it miraculous or mundane. continue to whisper in my ear that You love me and that i need to look to you to feel wholly loved, and not to others. remind me not to blame it on them, and not to despair, but to turn back to you. compared to your love, their love is simply an added benefit.

God, i am yours. use me.

And I feel comforted. And I feel ready to go out and conquer the world for you. But first I need to do some homework.