a sense of beloning, that makes me feel out of place.

i just re-read alot of my blogs. one in particular caught my attention. well, its the last on i re-read, so it was hard to miss...

i wrote a blog a while back on my attitude towards compliments in worship. int hat blog i said i do not appreciate compliments on my skills with a guitar, but appreciate compliments on my freedom to worship God. i still believe that. i pray i never stop believing that. the weird part was when i started thinking about the compliments i have gotten this year at school. a rather considerable number of people have come up to me adn told me they like listening to me playing guitar. on the one hand, i am on chapel band and at the stirring, so they hear me play a lot, but i think if you take the number of compliments and spread them out over the hours of playing this past month over any other month, i have gotten more comments this month by far. and i realized, i appreciated at least half of them more than i usually do. to some, i still feel awkward when i hear them tell me i was good, but to others, i earnestly tell them thank you, and that i appreciate their comments. and i realized, it was the people i am close to, and the ones i want to be close to whose compliments i take to heart. oyu see, i know their hearts. one of my biggest fears is that people will hear us playing music and go to their dorm rooms and write a blog about the awesome solo, or the cool bassline. i want people to meet God. when people who i don't know well tell me i sounded good, i am afraid that they missed the whole point. i have come to the conclusion that i only like it when most people tell me they liked worshiping with us (whatever band i play with) and for a select few, i absolutely love it when they tell me i sounded good. that is because with those select few i know their hearst are right, and that if i sucked,they would tell me "thank you for worshiping, and i loved it. and your guitar was out of tune, and you started taht song in the wrong time signature..."

so if really love you, then come tell me i sound good. if not, shut up :) (in case you can't tell, that sentence was utterly LOADED with sarcasm.)